I'm sorry I've been so negligent over the past few weeks! For some reason, this post has been more difficult for me to write. I think because it feels like a good-bye to our community in a way. In those few days between Daniel being listed and his transplant, I think we were closer to losing him than we knew. We're so grateful we didn't reach that point, for a third chance at life together and for everyone who made it possible. Thank you so much for walking with us over the last number of months and carrying us when we didn't have the strength to walk any further.
It's now been six weeks since Daniel's transplant, four weeks since we got back to Winnipeg and three weeks since Daniel was released from the hospital. Everything continues to go better than anyone could have expected. His bloodwork is more normal than most lung transplant patients ever get to and even his liver seems to be healing! Daniel is up and moving, chasing Claudia, walking to get groceries and helping out around the house. They're switching him next week from three check-ins a week to only twice a week. His eyes are the only thing that are not co-operating as they continue to get worse. He has to wait until six months after the transplant to get his cataract surgery, which is a long time when he can't read, drive or a whole lot that involves seeing. But, compared to his lung disease, this is a small problem that doesn't need attention as urgently.
And now, we're finally able to look ahead. We're able to plan more than a few days or week ahead and start envisioning what our life is going to look like. Summer is my favourite season, and we're already planning trips to the lake, day trips, just time together outside free from oxygen tanks. I'm back at work full-time now and it's keeping me busy. Daniel and I both hope to start school again in the fall. Just a few online classes before he gears up to go back full-time in the winter, if everything continues to go well. We're even beginning to plan a trip together, to celebrate how far we've come!
We're moving forward, beginning to live again, which is so wonderful and feels like a dream after the last six-twelve months. But I'm finding it hard to let go of this blog. Sharing our story has been one of the most rewarding things I've done and has connected me to some amazing people and made me want to do more. Along this journey, writing has also quietly nudged me to do more, share more, write more. I began with poetry in the fall, then this blog and lately, a short story or two. This has been despite my constant refrain of "I'm not a writer. I'm not good at writing creatively". But I've received so many comments from you in appreciation of my writing that that refrain feels less and less true and slowly becomes smaller. So, where does this leave me? That's what I'm not sure of and that's why I've had so much trouble with this post, I wanted to have it all figured out. How should I spend my spare time? Should I try to spread our story through advocacy, creating a blog and social media to bring others together and try to raise awareness of transplants and lung disease? Or do I focus on writing, shoving that little voice aside and try to tell my story, Daniel's story and our story together? I don't know, but I think I'm going to start thinking of and calling myself a writer, sit with it a little and see how that feels. So far, it feels good.
We're in awe of every single person who has reached out to us in some way and it's your strength and courage that has brought us here. We only hope that we can repay a small part of what you have all done for us. It's hard to let go. We know you're still always there for us, but our crisis has passed and it's now time for us to learn how to stand on our own two feet.
Laura
